Delusions
by obsessed1
Summary: Sheppard’s team must help him survive his past so he can survive his future.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Delusions of a warped mind (1/7)  
Author: Obsessed1  
Character(s): John Sheppard and team.  
Genre(s): Stargate Atlantis: H/C -Angst  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Nothing too explicit.  
Summary: Sheppard's team must help him survive his past so he can survive his future.

Sheppard was probing the inside of his mouth with his tongue when he hears the voice again; familiar and grating. Its return is like the arrival of an annoying wasp, buzzing, hovering, twitching.He _feels_ twitchy. He _feels_ disturbed. The voices had been sporadic, sometimes they were so clear it was a frightening reminder of his tenuous grasp on sanity, but usually they were thick with distortion and he found he could ignore them, wave them off as delirium from hunger and dehydration. At least he liked to think he could.

The sound of rotor blades above his hut had him whipping his head up and waiting in perfect stillness for all hell to break loose. It doesn't. He fears it never will.

In the dark recesses of his mind, the part that's lucid and rational, he knows that the United States Air Force has abandoned him, just like he abandoned it when he recklessly disobeyed orders and took off on an alternate flight path.

He'd been hit by an RPG, _lucky shot_, and managed to jump out of the wrecked craft just before it burst into flames. A day and a half of wandering around the desert and he discovered Holland hiding out in an old downed Huey, injured, thirsty and with no hopes of ever seeing American soil again.

It just wasn't meant to be.

Holland had died exactly fifteen hours later of a fatal internal bleed and five hours after that Sheppard had collapsed from dehydration and had been 'rescued' by a group of Afghan soldiers.

He'd been beaten and disoriented and he had faded into blissful unconsciousness.

He had woken up a day later in a tiny cell, stripped of his gear.

He remembers his escape with perfect clarity. He'd been picked up by a passing Med Evac unit, had received a disciplinary from his superiors and had been shipped off to the Antarctic. A one in a billion coincidence had led him to the Pegasus galaxy where he had been commanding officer for three and a half years.

That's what he had thought anyway. It turned out that his traitorous mind had been feeding him lies; false hope and instead he was slowly rotting away in a concrete box.

The buzzing was back and a distant tinny voice was urging him to come home.

Sheppard pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and groaned. He refused to believe that he had broken so quickly. Lost his mind. He'd spent the first few days of captivity pacing his cell, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to remain alert, ready to take any chance to escape. He'd kept his mind active, first trying to calibrate his position from when he initially landed, mathematical equations, anything to stave off tiredness and to keep his mind razor sharp. He'd been on the ball; up on his feet when his captors finally showed themselves and coupled with a steely resolve not to break.

"Go away."

The voice continued.

"I'm _not_ listening."

He dropped his hands and wiggled his bare toes experimentally. By now he was too exhausted to sleep, but too tired to move. They were giving the bare minimum of food and water. They came in for a few hours a day to beat and question him and afterwards they left him to sit and stare at the four walls surrounding him. He'd been there for twenty four days. He knew that because he'd been deliberately counting in an attempt to stay aware and grounded. So yeah, he was maybe a little exhausted and that could account for the voices he was hearing. Either that or he had really lost it.

The voice, the buzzing, the incessant whining in his ear continued and Sheppard felt utterly defeated.

"_Go_ away!" he shouted and then tugged his knees up to his chest and dropped his chin onto them.

He hummed to drown out the voices, or in particular, one consistent _nagging_ voice.

It was the voice, he supposed, that was inside his head. The voice that had probably driven him to create an entirely altruistic world where he could escape, where he was someone important, someone respected, someone who wasn't trapped in a tiny cell in the middle of Afghanistan. He realised that in the real world there was no way he could ever be in command of anything ever again. Black marks were permanent. He was sure his father had warned him of that once.

The voice, however, was getting louder, clearer and-

"Finally! Can you see me now?"

A familiar man appeared in his peripheral vision and waved an animated hand in front of his face.

Sheppard remained perfectly still, unsure of the new development in his failing mental status. He'd only ever heard the voices. He'd never actually been so deluded as to _see_ one of his…well, _delusions_ come to life. Perhaps they were drugging his food? Some drugs had a cumulative effect. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid.

"Hello? Sheppard…."

He really had lost his mind.

"Sheppard?"

"Hi," he said slumping back down into the wall. _Great_, now he was talking to himself.

"Uh…hi. You okay?"

"McKay, right?" Sheppard asked.

His delusion gave him an irritated look before sighing dramatically and dropping soundlessly to his knees, "Who else? Look I've managed to interface with the machine but I'm not sure how long I can hang about before…."

McKay flickered in and out and Sheppard shook his head.

Who knew his brain had such poor reception.

"See?" McKay stated, indicating to the flickering, "You need to end this….we think there was a malfunction with the device. But now it's fixed so……."

Sheppard glared at his delusion, "_So_ what?"

"So come on. Do your thing. Create a door, end the game, click your red slippers together and wish for home, just hurry up and do it soon because you've been in this game for twelve hours now and---"

"My delusion is delusional," Sheppard said sagging into the wall.

"What? Sheppard…"

"It's okay. You don't know you're a delusion."

"Uh…"

Sheppard leaned forward and smiled apologetically before informing the apparition, "I'm sorry, but you're a figment of my imagination."

His delusion seemed angered by that remark, "What? _That_ is the most ridiculous thing I have ever………. Oh…_oh_, you don't-, " Snapping fingers, "You don't remember touching the device do you? You think…"

Sheppard crossed his arms defensively and stared over to the far wall. He had to wonder why he had created such an annoying hallucination. He hoped that if he ignored it, it would eventually go away.

"Sheppard?"

It didn't.

"Where are we anyway?"

"You're from my head. You tell me."

"Oh right…….you think I'm-," his delusion smiled, "Just stop messing around and let's get out of here."

"I can't get out of here."

"Why not?"

Sheppard shook his head, "I'm in the middle of enemy territory."

"Ah but you see, you're not."

"If I left here, which I _can't_ because the door is _bolted_, then I would be shot……._dead_," he clarified.

"You know. You're not usually this pessimistic…..what is that annoying thing you always say? Oh yes…stay positive."

"I'm being realistic and all those…." Sheppard chuckled, "…missions that we supposedly went on together….they didn't happen. There's no way I would _ever_ be a Commanding Officer. That should have been the first clue that none of it was real."

"Look, Colonel-"

"It's Major."

"Whatever……… you touched a device on MX657 and you're lying in the middle of a cave unconscious and……."

"Go away."

"If you don't leave this…whatever this is, soon, you're going to die!"

"I'm going to die anyway," Sheppard said, "Remember, enemy territory? I'm not walking away from this one."

"Sheppard you can trust me, I…"

Sheppard laughed, "No I can't. I'm alone."

"_Sheppard_……"

"Look, you're not real."

"_Yes_ I am."

"No, you're not."

Sheppard kicked out a leg and it sailed through his delusions body. Seeing it happen, his leg push through the air without a connection disturbed him. He needed to do something to keep his mind from….._doing_ this. He'd exercise, count, plan his escape strategy…..anything to keep focused. Anything to drive this man away.

"Ow!"

Their banter felt so natural. It was almost a shame that he didn't exist. It was disappointing to have believed he had made genuine friends. Teyla, Ronon, Elizabeth…..Carson. These figments were simply…….not real.

"I didn't even touch you."

McKay, the delusion he reminded himself, gave him an aggrieved look, "_Still_……stop it."

"Most _real_ people aren't see-through."

"I've interfaced with the device; I'm more of a hologram right now. Just because you can't touch me doesn't mean I don't exist and…..and…….you're not buying this are you?"

Sheppard shook his head.

"If you don't get out of this game soon you're going to die. You need to get back to Atlantis so-"

"Atlantis isn't real either."

Sheppard was certain of that. A flying city that could read his mind and conveniently, in his fabricated world, he had been the one with the strongest gene. He had been the Commanding Officer. He had saved the city in increasingly ridiculous self sacrificing ways and had not died. Now he thought about it, it really was ridiculous. If that was real life, he'd have been dead by now.

"Atlantis _is_ real."

"_No_ it isn't."

"Yes….it is!"

Sheppard sank down, lying on the floor and curling tightly into a ball, "Go away."

His delusion flickered in and out and then disappeared.

TBC………………….


	2. Chapter 2

McKay removed the nodes attached to his forehead and stood up, regarding Sheppard's unconscious form with a dispassionate look.

"Rodney?"

Teyla was already moving out of her crouch and Ronon was taking a step forwards. Both were looking stressed and tired and McKay could empathise. They'd refused to leave Sheppard at first and then an almighty storm had prevented them from leaving anyway. They'd been living on rations of power bars and MRE's and two canisters of water between them.

"I need to recalibrate the device," he said looking down at Sheppard's prone body, "That wasn't long enough."

"Did you talk to him? Is he okay?"

"Yes," he waved a hand at her, "He's just a little…"

"McKay," Ronon's voice was low and warning.

"Delusional," Mckay smiled, "He can't remember touching the device and he's convinced himself that Atlantis isn't real."

"That's your fault."

"Ronon, I told him to switch the device on, not activate it. It's not my fault he has no control over his stupid gene."

"Still, if you had simply waited-"

"Teyla," McKay could hear the pitch of his voice rising, "It was dead when we got here….I just needed him to power it up. Like I said, not my fault if he-"

"This isn't getting us anywhere."

Ronon, the voice of reason, who would have thought it.

"So he remembers us?"

"Yes but like I said…_delusional_."

"Well, get him out of there," Ronon ordered.

"We don't know what severing him from the device will do while he's still unconscious. It might permanently screw him up, more so than he already is. I just need to reach out to him somehow…….."

"Tell him to stop being stubborn and get his eema back here."

"Eema?"

Ronon nodded, "Eema."

McKay started to prise open a panel to dissemble the internal wiring of the device. This was all Sheppard's fault regardless of what the others thought. He had to go and activate the device without even thinking about the repercussions. McKay had theorised that it was some kind of virtual reality game, maybe even a training tool and Sheppard had pressed his hand against the console, he had been injected with something, (They weren't sure what yet. It had looked like a subcutaneous transmitter under the skin in his hand,) and then he had collapsed.

"Where was he?" Teyla sat down beside Sheppard again.

McKay had to admit, he looked peaceful, like he was sleeping and yet they all knew the damage the device was doing to him. His body would be dehydrated; starving.

"It looked like a cell. I think I read in his file-" and to the shocked looks directed his way he amended, "-which I did not hack into by the way, that he was a prisoner of war in Afghanistan."

Teyla looked to Ronon for an explanation but he merely shrugged.

"Let's just say it's a bad place for Sheppard to be, to have been," he corrected.

"Then we must get him out."

"I'm trying. This isn't Windows, I can't just reboot it."

Teyla and Ronon looked confused again. Sometimes it was a little inconvenient to have alien team-mates. They never got his jokes. Sheppard would have at least got it.

"Any news from Atlantis?"

Teyla shifted restlessly where she sat, "Doctor Keller and a team are on their way. The storm has finally stopped long enough for them to come on foot."

"How long?"

"Too long," Ronon snapped.

He wasn't good at sitting still and his pacing was beginning to make McKay nauseous.

"They are still many hours away," Teyla provided, her hand resting in Sheppard's again.

"Well, then I guess I better get back to work."

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The next time McKay managed to make contact with Sheppard he was being hauled up by his hair by an Afghani soldier. He was bruised and bloody and swaying on his knees as he was shouted at in poor English.

"Sheppard!"

Sheppard turned to him, distracted, and the next blow took him off guard. He crumpled onto his back and wheezed in a painful breath.

"This is _not_ the time," Sheppard said rolling onto his side and pushing himself up.

"Who are you talking to?" the Afghani demanded.

Sheppard shot McKay an icy glare, "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because _this_ isn't real."

Sheppard rubbed at his jaw, "Well it _feels_ real."

"Who are you-"

Sheppard cut the Afghani soldier off before he had a chance to continue, "I'm _talking_ to the _voices_ in my _head_."

He was kicked in the side and instinctively dropped and curled into a ball. McKay felt utterly helpless, his hands passed straight through Sheppard when he tried to offer him some comfort.

"Where is your American base?"

Sheppard ignored the soldier, ignored McKay and even when he was dragged back up to his knees he still didn't speak. He just spat blood onto the floor by the soldier's feet. McKay couldn't help but wonder if this had happened the first time round. He knew Sheppard had been captive for a number of weeks but beyond the details of his rescue there was no mention in the record of his mental or physical state. He wasn't so sure he wanted to witness this and momentarily considered puling himself out of the game.

"Sheppard you could die. Do you understand me?"

Sheppard was holding his side and grimacing, "I know. I think he's broken a rib or two."

"Who are you talking to?" The soldier cut in, his hand curling around Sheppard's elbow and hauling him back up.

McKay tried to ignore the violence in front of him; tried not to cringe with each blow, "I'm not _talking_ about now, I'm talking about your body lying in the middle of a cave."

"Does this look like a cave?"

"The base?"

McKay gave Sheppard a pointed glare, "Oh just answer him so he can go away!"

Sheppard turned to him and quirked an eyebrow, "You have got to be kidding me. He's the enemy."

The Afghani soldier was looking more and more perplexed.

"He's not real!" McKay said walking over the soldier and putting his hands through his body.

"Would you stop that?!"

Sheppard looked a state and had blood dribbling down his chin; it was hard to believe that this was just a game…a figment.

"He's _not_…real. He's not really hurting you."

Sheppard wiped the blood off his chin, "What do you call this?"

"This isn't really happening. Look Sheppard…I don't know why you can't remember touching that device but you did and now you're here but if you just…I don't know…_think_ your way out of this-"

"_Think_ my way out?"

"- then we can all go home."

"Who are you talking to? Do you have…...radio?"

The Afghani made a grab for Sheppard and started to pull at his head, moving it to the side as he inspected his ears.

"I don't have a radio."

He let go with a frustrated growl and Sheppard swayed a little, grimacing in obvious, _real_, discomfort.

"Who knows how many brain cells are being killed off just by being here," McKay observed, "Losing a few brain cells isn't going to be hugely detrimental to me, oh sure a few brilliant discoveries may go unrealised, but lets be honest Colonel, you need all the help you can get."

Sheppard had a look on his face that showed he wanted to respond, but in the end he didn't direct his anger at him, "I'm not going to tell you where our base is."

"Eventually you will."

"Sheppard?"

"_Go_ away!"

"I will not leave until you have given me information," the Afghani interrupted.

"I wasn't talking to you," Sheppard informed the soldier.

He was rewarded with another kick in his stomach. Sheppard went down gasping and the Afghani soldier was bearing down on him, smashing his hand down onto the concrete floor and prying back one of his fingers.

"You will break eventually," he hissed into Sheppard's ear.

Sheppard laughed and McKay was beginning to feel uneasy. He'd never seen Sheppard like this. Sure they had rescued him after some close calls on missions where he'd been roughed up and disorientated but he had never actually seen him be beaten before. He was always too busy instigating the plan to rescue him. It occurred to him that for all of the time he had known Sheppard he had never stopped to speculate about what he had read in his file. Was this how it really was? The Pegasus galaxy had thrown up some truly horrendous things, but this……..this was happening on earth. It still was. It was brutal. McKay would have broken by now. They wouldn't have needed to lay a finger on him and he would be telling them everything. Sheppard was in pain but keeping his mouth shut. This was the extent of Sheppard's loyalty. It made McKay feel sick.

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of something snapping. Sheppard seemed to bite down on his lip but he was still making a muffled grunting noise through the pain.

"You ….._fuck_!" he shouted eventually, writhing around on the floor and spitting blood.

"_That_ looks painful," McKay tried pathetically, "But it's okay because it's all in your head."

Sheppard had planted his forehead onto the cold floor and was taking in long deep breaths. He twisted his head, eyes watered by the pain, nose and mouth bloodied, lips twisted around the hurt. He didn't say a word. He just blinked and suddenly went silent.

"Again…" the soldier stated, prising another finger out from Sheppard's curled fists, "Are you going to tell us what we need to know?"

McKay waited, eyes switching from Sheppard to the Soldier, "You can tell him," he said voice cutting the tension of the room.

"Can't…" Sheppard managed gritting his teeth. on," and McKay didn't even know why he was trying to convince him to fess up. This wasn't real. Sheppard wasn't really in pain. But the sound of his shouts, the sound of broken ligaments and Sheppard's course breathing was too much to bear.

"You'll have to kill….me," Sheppard slurred.

"Sheppard."

"I'm not going to talk to you anymore. _Either_ of you," And he looked straight at him…no hint of remorse…..nothing. It was frightening.

The last thing McKay heard before he disengaged was Sheppard shouting obscenities at the top of his lungs.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

After an hour of cursing and re-calibrating the interface McKay managed to get back to Sheppard and recover enough from what he had seen. He found him lying in the corner of his cell, eyes open and unseeing, besieged with cuts and bruises.

"Are you okay?"

What did you say in a situation like that? Change the subject, address the issue…what? McKay really hadn't the faintest idea what to do.

Sheppard blinked and moved his hand around to look at his mangled finger. They looked painful; all swollen and red.

"Sheppard?"

"M'not speaking to you."

He sounded punch drunk.

"You just did."

McKay knelt beside him, hovering a fraction away, "So, did this really happen then?"

Sheppard was silent, refusing to meet his eyes. McKay always felt awkward and inadequate in these situations. Sheppard was strong and stubborn and he hated to be pitied; even worse, he hated needing help.

"Oh, so you're taking this not talking to me seriously then? Well, I'm just going to have to stay here until you agree that this is not happening. Teyla and Ronon are watching our unconscious bodies by the way. I'm sure we'll be fine…they're probably shaving off our eyebrows as I speak."

His attempt at humour wasn't well received and Sheppard rolled onto his back.

"I guess this really happened to you then….it said in your file that-"

Sheppard snapped his head around, "You _read_ my file?"

"Well if this real, which you think it is, then it shouldn't matter that me, your imaginary friend, read your non-existent file."

"Still."

"_Still_ what? Anyway, it said you were captured in Afghanistan. Three weeks. It didn't say more than that…so….how did you get out of here?"

Sheppard was back to his stoic silence. McKay could hear the rattle of his breathing and see blood glistening around his nostrils. Even though this world wasn't real, it still did a good job of being convincing. No wonder Sheppard had been sucked in.

"You probably escaped by yourself. That's what usually happens. You steal our glory by….remember Kolya? Of course you do…..I shot that rabies ridden mouse… …anyway we searched and searched and in the end, there you were. Is that how it happened here?"

Silence.

"Maybe they left the door open or you dug a tunnel using a spoon. I tried that once….didn't work."

Still silence.

"Jumped the guards? Snuck out in the laundry basket? Maybe-"

"Med Evac team rescued me after an air strike, but…..obviously that didn't happen because I'm still here."

"Right……yes."

"I'm crazy."

"Well there are times where-"

"Why did you tell me to give away the location of the base?"

"Because it doesn't matter."

"You wanted me to give away the location which must mean _I _want to tell them."

"No _I _wanted you to tell them."

"Oh god…no, you're just…..you're a figment. I'm not crazy. I absolutely _haven't_ lost my mind."

"Then why are you talking to me?"

"You're right." Sheppard sounded exhausted, "I should just ignore you."

"Couldn't you at least try and think you're way out of this? What have you got to lose?"

Sheppard had closed his eyes, "My dignity? My mind? Tired."

McKay didn't have time for this, "Wake up! Sheppard?"

His breathing had become laboured and when he tried to shake Sheppard his hand passed straight through him. It was frustrating.

"Sheppard?"

McKay stood up and paced the cell. He peered out of the tiny window but all he could see was a large expanse of sand. He could hear voices but he couldn't see which direction. He tried to walk straight through the walls as an experiment. It didn't work. He was seemingly confined to where Sheppard was and that was a problem if Sheppard continued to believe he was living reality. He supposed it made sense. Atlantis did sound rather fantastical if he thought about it, but still, Sheppard's memories should have been enough to convince him that he wasn't back on earth. With all that they had seen and accomplished it was odd to think Sheppard could just dismiss it as ravings. That he could dismiss his friends as apparitions. Hmmm, _friends_. My how he'd changed over the years. There was a time when it would have been Teyla in his position offering comfort to Sheppard but everything had changed. When Carson had died there had been an almost imperceptible shift in their group dynamics; closeness they never spoke of. McKay found Sheppard seeking him out more and vice versa. They'd go to lunch together, work out together, and write reports together. And yet, none of them addressed it. He couldn't pretend his panic in a situation was for his safety alone, now it was all of his team. He liked to be pro-active. He couldn't have just sat there and waited for Sheppard to wake up. Anyway, it was his turn to do the life-saving.

"Sheppard!" he called out again.

He didn't stir.

"I'm sure you're not supposed to fall asleep. I thought soldiers were supposed to be alert! Sheppard!" Exhaustion had obviously got the better of him, or maybe it was his injuries. They looked painful but he knew the real Sheppard, his body at least, was unscathed back on the planet. He just needed to find away for Sheppard to realise that it was a game and that he was trapped.

McKay sat on the floor and sighed heavily. This wasn't going to be easy.

"_Rodney?"_

The voice sounded far and away and tinny and it kept repeating his name. It was distorted like a bad radio connection and it was a little annoying.

"Go away," he muttered, "I'm thinking."

He tried to ignore it at first but he had a niggling sensation that someone needed him and-

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McKay opened his eyes and found Doctor Keller crouched over him.

"Rodney?"

"What……" he blinked tiredly and removed the nodes attached to his forehead.

"I've been trying to reach you for a while…are you okay?"

"I'm fine," McKay answered without even thinking about it.

Keller helped him into a sitting position; he felt weird and sluggish. Worryingly he felt disconnected from his reality, part of him still lingering with Sheppard in the VR world.

He realised that Ronon and Teyla were also giving him worried looks.

"What?"

"We were unable to reach you…we were worried that you had become trapped," Teyla informed him, unmoving from her vigil beside Sheppard.

"Yes well……I was _thinking_."

"How's Sheppard?"

He noticed that Lorne and some other soldiers were standing around too all soaked from the storm.

Keller moved back to Sheppard's prone body, "I'm not sure you should do that again Rodney. Perhaps you should hold off until we know more about the Colonel's condition."

McKay would have snapped at her if she was Carson, but she wasn't. She was new and she wouldn't understand the way he was. Carson would give as good as he got. Keller would probably take offence and the last thing they needed right now was an awkward social situation hanging in the air.

"Sheppard?"

Keller sighed, looked around nervously and then said, "His condition is unchanged. He's not even responding to outside pain stimuli. His blood pressure and pulse are also both raised."

McKay noted the way that Keller always spoke very carefully and deliberately. At that moment he found it annoying. Perhaps it had something to do with the headache he was quietly cultivating.

"I'm going to put in an IV line to give him some fluids. He's been out for a while……there's no telling what kind of damage is being done. Ideally, I'd like to get him back to the infirmary."

"That would mean disconnecting him from the device. We can't do that."

"I realise that but he can't stay like this for much longer."

"I'm working on it. Sheppard is being……..uncooperative."

"Uncooperative?" Lorne suddenly cut in, eyes frozen on Sheppard's still form.

"The colonel believes that the world he is in is real and that Atlantis was merely…….a dream."

"A dream?" Lorne screwed up his face.

"At least we know he's still with us. Where exactly is he?" Keller asked snapping a pair of latex gloves on.

McKay hesitated, unsure of whether to disclose what he knew to be true, but in the end he caved, "He's in Afghanistan."

"Rodney believes it is a real event which occurred in John's life."

"Oh……"

"Yes oh…."

"Well he can't stay in there forever. There must be a way to get him out." Lorne voiced and Ronon nodded in agreement.

"Yes well…there doesn't seem to be an instruction manual around so….." McKay rubbed at his head, "He's beat up pretty bad in there."

"It could account for his raised heart rate; it proves that being linked to the device is having _some_ effect on his body."

Keller was examining the implant in Sheppard's hand, nose crinkled as she concentrated.

"That's just not right," Lorne said pacing back and forth, "How he's not here and he's there. I don't like it."

McKay wasn't _liking_ it much either.

"We will get him out," Teyla said.

"How are _you_ feeling?"

"Doctor Keller, I told you I'm fine," McKay snapped even as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Who knows what going in there is doing to you."

"I feel fine."

"You're spending too much time with Colonel Sheppard."

"Probably."

"I meant the blanket response of 'I'm fine,' the colonel uses that phrase frequently."

"Oh….."

"Well at least I can monitor you both now."

"Perhaps one of us could try to connect with John?" Teyla suggested, her face lighting up at having something to do other than sit and wait.

McKay shook his head and remembered why that was a very bad idea, "I'd have to spend hours recalibrating the device………hours! No, I'm just going to have to keep going back and tormenting Sheppard until he wants to attempt to leave."

"Who'd have thought your skills to aggravate would finally come in handy?" Lorne sniped.

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The voices and his annoying delusion seemed to have disappeared for now so Sheppard, upon awaking, managed to haul himself up against the wall and check out his injuries. He could feel dry blood on his face, his nose was a mess, his lip was split; and he could taste copper in his mouth. He'd definitely broken a few ribs and his fingers were messed up. Luckily, they were on his left hand so if he got in a position to hold a gun he would still be-able to shoot. Aside from his growing collection of bruises, the Soldiers who visited him hadn't inflicted enough damage to kill him. It was just enough to keep him plaint, to supposedly scare him, but he could still run if he needed too and he could still fight. Sure it would hurt like a bitch but then he could use his adrenaline and anger to his advantage. When the situation presented itself he _would_ try and escape.

He'd never been captured before, well aside from inside his head, he'd always wondered what he would do if he ever was and he supposed he now had his answer. He hadn't given anything away. He didn't intend to either. What bothered him the most was that they had taken his dog tags. They had his name, his serial number, his blood type. That was all. He wasn't going to give away Atlantis's…._no_……he corrected himself, the American bases position.

He managed to push himself up and locked his knees to stay upright. The world was spinning and tilting and bile tried to force its way up his sore throat. He wouldn't let it happen.

The light outside was fading and the cell beginning to get darker. Soon he would be swathed in shadows with no light to stab at the blackness. The lower compartment of the cell opened. A bowl of something disgusting and a mug of water were pushed through. The compartment scraped closed and Sheppard hesitated before moving stiffly over to his meal.

Stale bread and gruel. Whatever gruel was. The water was tinged brown. He wasn't hungry. His stomach protested but not out of hunger; he was in pain. He doubted he could force it down anyway. He'd been drinking the water…….hadn't got sick yet, but even that he couldn't bare the thought of forcing passed his constricted throat.

He sank down against the wall again and tried to stay alert with a little game of prime not prime. He couldn't remember a time when he had played it with anyone besides Doctor Rodney McKay. He smiled, wincing when his split lip pulled and he could taste blood again.

"One thousand, three hundred and fifty five…" he said out loud.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

The rain was heavy again, falling from the sky in sheets and entering the cave in much the same way. It was cold, the temperature had dropped with the darkness and everyone was making preparations for the long night ahead.

"No, no, no," McKay glowered at one of the soldiers, "This is lemon chicken. _Lemon_! Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

"It's all we have."

"_All_ you have? Are you new? Did Sheppard put you up to this?"

"The Colonel's unconscious, Doctor."

"_Just_…..just go away and I'll eat one of my power bars. I'm sure it will be _very_ filling."

Keller twisted around, "You're allergic to lemon? I don't think I saw that in your file."

"What?! Well, there has been some mistake then. Why do you think I have this wristband?"

"When did you start wearing that?" Ronon asked, looking up from devouring one of the MRE's.

"When I decided that everyone on Atlantis is a complete moron," he snapped, "One drop of citrus could kill me! One drop!"

"I'll add it to your notes Rodney, just as soon as we get out of here."

McKay saw Teyla turn to Keller and the others and whisper something. She was probably apologising for his behaviour. She did that a lot.

"Look, I'm-" and he cringed inwardly, "-_sorry_ okay. I'm just tired and uncomfortable and-"

"We are all concerned for the Colonel's well-being," Teyla told him.

"He won't even listen to me in there," he gestured to the device that was humming away, making its presence known, "And it doesn't help that he doesn't believe a word I say."

"It must be confusing for him," Keller noted quietly, "…..it must be hard enough trying to keep sane in that kind of situation without…." She paused, "Well, you know what I mean."

Teyla smiled, "Fortunately, John is strong and we will get him out of there."

"I can't even imagine what it was like for him first time round," Keller said, "Hasn't he ever spoken to any of you about it?"

Ronon made some grunting noise and Lorne chuckled a little.

Keller's eyes widened, "What?"

"John is a very private man," Teyla informed her and McKay realised just how green Doctor Keller was.

She was still very new and she hadn't had the experience of dealing with Sheppard before; either in the infirmary or with his cagey emotions.

"Oh. Well, how do you know about-"

"McKay hacked his file."

McKay nearly choked on his power bar, "I'll have you know Ronon that I simply….checked his file at the very beginning to see what kind of person I would be working with."

"Yeah, you were just 'checking'" Ronon stated, with special attention to the world 'checking'

"I checked yours too!"

"I don't have a file."

"From the moment you entered Atlantis you had a file and _now_ I won't _tell_ you what Elizabeth wrote about you."

Silence returned again at the mention of Elizabeth, aside from the steady trickle of water into the cave.

"I'm going back in," McKay announced.

Keller shook her head, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Of course you don't….even I don't think it's a good idea."

"I'm worried about the cumulative effect connecting to the device is having on you. You're blood pressure is already sky high."

"It's always sky high," McKay retorted.

He might as well have never apologised earlier.

"But even this level is high for you."

"Oh that's in my medical file then?"

"Let him go back in Doc," Ronon said from across the cave.

He was sitting with his back against the wall, arms folded, weapon placed across his knees.

McKay knew that Teyla and Ronon would agree to him trying again, in fact, he had been counting on it. And with Lorne and the rest of Sheppard's men present Keller didn't stand a chance of convincing them otherwise. As Sheppard would have said, they never leave a man behind, and with Sheppard on his own, albeit in a completely harmless fabricated world, they wouldn't be happy until he was awake.

"If your vitals change we might have to pull you out of there."

"I have to be the one to disconnect. I'm not a faulty appliance. You can't just pull the plug…you could kill me!"

"Like lemon?"

Mckay shot Ronon a look, "I'll pop in, say hello, try and convince him to wake up and then I'll be straight back," he reattached the nodes that now felt so familiar and normal, "See you in a minute and no messing with my unconscious body."

"We wouldn't think of it," Keller said patting him on the shoulder.

"I'm talking about him," McKay said pointing at the Soldier he had just chastised, "I mean it! I wake up with one eyebrow or missing power bars and-"

"Rodney," Teyla pressed, "You are safe with us. Go be with John."

"I'm just saying. I have _counted_ my power bars and don't even _think_ about touching my laptop or any of _these_ connections….last thing I need is to come out of this brain damaged…..what?"

The others were staring at him.

"Well I don't.…." He lay back and sighed, "See you later."

As soon as he had closed his eyes he felt the device pull him back into the cell.

"I work with a bunch of idiots! They tried to give me lemon!"

Sheppard was sat in the corner of the cell.

"_Lemon_ Sheppard!"

When that drew no response he tried a different tact; something that had occurred to him while munching on his flavourless power bar.

"Okay," McKay launched straight in, "I've been thinking. Answer this. How do you account for you delusion having a time span of three years?"

Sheppard looked up at him with a kind of, "Oh you again," expression and sighed loudly.

"Come on?" McKay planted himself down beside him.

"Time is all relative."

It was McKay's turn to sigh.

"Thought you weren't going to talk to me anyway?"

Sheppard rubbed at his face, careful of his various bruises, and gestured with his one good hand, "As long as I know you're not real, then I suppose it's okay to talk."

"Exactly!"

"Staves off the boredom anyway."

"I'm _touched_."

They sat in silence as the room darkened.

There was no real way for McKay to prove that he wasn't a figment. There had to be a way to get Sheppard to disengage from the device. He couldn't help but think that it had something to do with their current situation. There was a reason Sheppard was here. It was just convenient for Sheppard to assume that he had never left.

"Quite an imagination you have," McKay pondered.

Sheppard looked to him, quirked an eyebrow and then stared across the room at the door.

"You created a whole world, the Stargate program, the wraith, Carson, Teyla, Ronon, me…..huh."

The last of the daylight was leaving the cell and then a small light flickered on from the ceiling. The bulb barely threw enough light to see the whole room and it swung eerily in the evening breeze.

"Don't you think that's….strange?"

"CJ Lewis wrote Alice in Wonderland when he was tripping on acid," he hacked out a wet cough and licked his lips, "I think they've been drugging my food," he indicated to the uneaten provisions by the door, "Maybe I'll turn it into a book if I ever get out of here."

McKay watched Sheppard's hands. They were constantly in motion and he wondered if Sheppard had picked that habit up from him.

"I tried to wish myself out of here by the way," Sheppard made a choked laugh sound, "You might notice I'm still here."

"You obviously didn't try hard enough?"

"I tried pretty hard Rodney," and then he shifted again, spreading his legs out in front of him to find a more comfortable position, "-don't exactly want to be here right now."

"Try again."

"No."

"Come on, you've tried once, at least give it another go."

Sheppard closed his eyes for a second and then re-opened them, "See? Still here."

"You didn't do it properly. Did you concentrate?"

"Of _course_ I concentrated."

"It's a bit like using your ATA gene, you just have to-"

"I never had to try with the gene. It was always natural and easy….." Sheppard seemed angry at what he had just said and amended, "-but that was because it was a dream and in dreams you can pretty much do anything you want. _Look_, I gave it a go. It didn't work, so you can just quit trying to convince me."

There was the sound of staccato gunfire in the distance and something rocked the building. Sheppard was immediately up at his feet and launching himself at the window to peer outside. From the floor, McKay could see that the sky was orange but it quickly died down and became black again, the gunfire disappearing in the distance.

Sheppard continued to stare out of the window for a few more seconds, clinging to some irrational hope that he would be rescued, before returning to his seat.

"Wrong type of gunfire anyway," Sheppard remarked, trying to hide his disappointment, "Probably just a rebel group……blowing the shit out of each other."

"Thinking your way out isn't working. I can't convince you that this isn't real," McKay tapped his fingers on his leg as he thought; when Sheppard noticed that they were both mimicking each other, he stopped and tucked his hands under his armpits.

"You should escape maybe? That could be your door."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you need to try and escape……it doesn't matter if you die…at least I don't think it does…….you might just wake up back on the planet and that could be the end!"

"_Or_ ……I would just die. You know, I don't like the fact that my delusion is suicidal either."

"Or you would just wake up. Are you listening to me?"

McKay thought he had hit upon something but Sheppard was looking at him as if he had completely lost his mind.

"I don't have a choice. Is this what schizophrenia feels like?" he asked shaking his head.

"It's worth a try."

"Worth….a…._try_?" Sheppard scrubbed at his face a little bit too roughly, "Worth a try? I'm not going to take advice from a voice inside my head. If I can help it, I want to get out of here alive."

"If they killed you……."

"Then they kill me but I'm not going to increase my chances of…death…if I can help it. If an opportunity arises for me to escape that might actually be successful then…I'll take it."

"You're still hoping for a rescue aren't you? From the Air force."

Sheppard shot him a dark look and pushed himself up to his feet to pace.

"The air strike… ……had you been rescued before or after?"

Sheppard tensed.

"It was after wasn't it? They were prepared to-"

"To do whatever needed to be done. But that was……._that_ was in my head. They could still find me….trace me….._somehow_."

McKay wondered if Sheppard had been desperate for rescue before. Whether he had sat here alone, trying the same tricks to stay awake and alert, beaten and bruised, clinging onto some fragile hope that rescue would come.

"Why are you here anyway?"

"I don't want to talk about it. You read my file."

"Like I said…it said you were a POW and it said you were rescued…..eventually. But it didn't say how…..you got here. At least…….I didn't see it."

"It's there," Sheppard said with a shrug, "I mean….." he shook his head, "You haven't read my file. You're….you're _me_ so you should know why I'm here."

"I'm _not_ you."

"Well you're a figment……a split personality. My math geek side…whatever."

"Well you can tell me again…" McKay crossed his arms.

Sheppard grimaced and paced back and forth like a prowling cat….a much slower, stiffer prowling cat.

"I disobeyed a direct order…."

"I'm not surprised," McKay remarked.

"That's it! I'm….I'm not telling you now."

"Look…I'm sorry…go on."

"No."

"Oh come on."

And Sheppard must have realised that he was arguing with himself because he started talking, albeit with a scowl, "I was supposed to follow a strict flight path. I was mapping enemy territory…. meant to take the Intel back to base for analysis. Captain Holland……" he stopped and leaned against the wall, heaving in a breath quietly, "His chopper was taken out…..I went to find him. It didn't work out. Not like our…..crazy missions huh?" he was guarding his right side, lagging.

"You were shot down?"

"RPG to the rear rotor…..no controlling a chopper when that happens. Had to bail out," he sat down again, restless, fingers twitching, obviously he was uncomfortable, "-so yeah, Holland…..well, he died and I was……brought here. I was out of it most of the way……I have no idea where I am. But…you already know that."

McKay suddenly felt guilty. Under normal circumstances Sheppard would never have divulged that information to him, no matter how close they were. Perhaps he shouldn't have pushed him.

It made him secretly grateful that when they were off-world, his or their rescue was never in question. No matter what had happened or the circumstances attached there was always a rescue or they would die trying.

He realised that Sheppard never had that back on Earth. The military, for all its camaraderie, still considered one life, _two_ lives, an acceptable loss. It would have seemed that Sheppard's disobedience put him into that category.

"Why are you here?" Sheppard asked suddenly, "Why am I…seeing you?"

"Well….it's the…"

"It's bad enough," Sheppard said, despair in his voice, "….without……I've lost my mind."

"No…."

"I thought it would take longer for me to break."

"You haven't. It's just…….we never leave a man behind."

"That's my line."

"Sheppard……this is not real."

Sheppard pierced him with dark eyes, "Well if it isn't…..why haven't I woken up yet?"

McKay didn't have the answer to that.

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Keller was monitoring McKay when Major Lorne approached with a grim expression, "We've got a problem."

"What is it?" Teyla asked.

"The cave's flooding."

"What?"

"It's rising quickly….guess the rainwater had no where else to go."

Keller looked to the mouth of the cave and back to the console in the middle. The cave entrance was up an incline. If the cave flooded the console would be immersed……as well as Sheppard.

"Anyway to stop it?" Ronon asked.

"We might be able to hold it off," Lorne was grasping at straws now, "But not for long. That rain's not showing any signs of letting up."

"We may have no other choice but to disconnect Sheppard…..remove the implant…"

"You heard McKay…..we don't know what that might do," Ronon said.

"I know," Keller said, "But the alternative is that he drowns."

"Give Mckay a chance to get him out of there," Teyla pleaded.

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Sheppard was sitting upright, knees pulled up, elbows resting across them with his eyes closed. McKay wasn't sure if he was really asleep or not. He'd witnessed Sheppard on missions before…he'd do this kind of thing. He'd think he was asleep, he'd be perfectly still and one false move could mean the barrel of a gun pointed at him with Sheppard scolding him for sneaking up on him. He supposed all Soldiers had to learn to catch whatever sleep they could while retaining some kind of alertness. He snapped his fingers. Battle readiness, that was the word.

He'd been in this world now for so long he was beginning to feel a part of it. He felt like he had been captured along with Sheppard. He hadn't obviously. In reality, Sheppard had originally been here alone and McKay couldn't even contemplate how that could have felt. He was surprised Sheppard wasn't more scarred by his experience. The easy going smiles, the light hearted jokes; everything about his demeanour suggested that he had never endured anything like this. But he had. He had and he was still Sheppard.

McKay realised that he wasn't going to get any more conversation out of Sheppard while he was sleeping or _not_ sleeping. There was no point in him watching his back; it wasn't as if he could do anything to steal away the pain or hold off the beatings. He closed his eyes and decided to head back to the planet.

He tried a few times but he couldn't seem to leave. It was much harder than it had been to disconnect and by the time he had managed to force himself out he awoke feeling sweaty and lethargic. Keller was by his side, helping him sit upright.

The first thing that he noticed was that his backside was soaking wet.

"What the-"

"The cave's flooding," Ronon said kicking at the water.

"The _what_ is what?" McKay rubbed at his head and cursed his growing headache, "How long have I been in there?"

"Four hours."

"Four hours?" McKay couldn't believe it, "Four hours?"

"Any progress?"

"I think so…at least, I think I know what Sheppard has to do to leave."

He managed to get up to his feet and found his legs unstable for a few seconds. He realised that everyone was watching him and waiting for an explanation.

"Oh…..sorry," he stretched the kinks out of his back, "I think he has to either get rescued or escape. He tried to think his way out but it didn't work."

Ronon was impressed, "He actually listened to you?"

"Yes…..for once. I think he must be tethered to the outcome."

"Right….." Lorne looked confused.

"I don't know why. Maybe this device is calculating probabilities or plucking memories from the user or…." He trailed off, "The cave's really flooding?"

"Yes it is," Lorne said.

"Our luck sucks!"

"Yeah it does," Ronon affirmed.

Lorne readjusted his grip on his P90. This time he couldn't fight what had Sheppard with bullets and bravado. "I've got my men trying to keep the water levels down, but we're going to have to act soon otherwise the Colonel's going to drown."

McKay looked down at where Sheppard was lying, an inch of water around his body. He'd been covered by blankets.

"We can't move him."

"We may have too."

"But the device…..he needs it."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah Teyla, pretty sure."

"We could try moving him just outside the cave…see what that does. At least he'd be out of the water."

"No Doctor, he'd just be outside in the rain."

"Less chance of him getting hypothermia."

"But I wouldn't be able to connect to the device and help him."

"Well……..when it comes down to it. We're going to have to move him."

"If that did work, which I doubt it, he'd be on his own in there and considering he believes he is still in a war zone, he's unlikely to realise what he needs to do to get out of there."

"I thought you said you were making progress?" Lorne said.

"Very slow progress. I'll have to go back in," McKay said swaying a little.

He clamped his eyes closed and when he reopened then Keller and Teyla were holding him upright, both wearing matching expressions of concern.

"You're exhausted," Keller said comfortingly, "You need to rest."

"No time….I have to get Sheppard out. What if……what if something happens in there?"

"I thought you said he was fine," Teyla said.

"Well yes…..he is…sort of," McKay said holding onto Teyla's arm a little too tightly, "It's just….a little lonely in there. He's on his own."

"He can take it," Ronon said from the far corner.

Everyone was standing now, the water a few inches higher and freezing.

"I know that," McKay said, "I saw………."

"What did you see?" Keller asked, placing a blood pressure cuff around his arm.

"Just your usual……run of the mill torture techniques," he said swallowing thickly.

"But it's not real," Lorne stated breaking away from his fellow soldiers, "You said…"

"Yes well…..it isn't real…..but it was real. I think that actually happened. I need to get back in there. Keep him company…..he was sleeping when I left him."

"Nah, Sheppard wouldn't have been sleeping," Ronon said, "It might have looked like it but he'd be ready to move if needed."

McKay knew that he was right and he didn't even know what _him_ being there would achieve. It wasn't as if he could help Sheppard. He just felt that it was important that Sheppard had someone. There may not be physical complications but there could be mental ones.

"Maybe in a few hours McKay," Keller said, "But you need to rest too. Take a few hours……Major Lorne has set up a tent outside…it's dry at least out there. We'll sit with Sheppard and make sure nothing happens."

"But he doesn't know you're with him."

"Maybe not……..but there's not much point in running yourself into the ground."

"You sound like Carson………… I am a little tired," McKay conceded looking down at Sheppard's semi immersed body, "You should try and get him out of that water. He'll be freezing."

"Working on it," Ronon said lifting Sheppard up a little.

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Sheppard snapped his eyes open and immediately started to cough. He couldn't seem to dislodge whatever it was that was obstructing his airways and panicked, raked his hands across the wall.

It felt like he was being suffocated. He'd had a bad tumble on his surf board once; been pulled in by the riptide and had felt the water surge into his throat. His lungs had ached, he'd felt light-headed and his friends only just managed to drag him out of the water before he completely let go. This was how he felt now. That familiar feeling was feeding him panic.

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"Get him up!" Keller shouted, struggling to get Sheppard's face out of the water.

Lorne was by her side with Ronon, helping sit him up.

"Where the hell did all that water come from?" one of the soldiers remarked loudly.

The water was swirling around them, rising higher and higher.

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Sheppard coughed again and suddenly the smothering feeling eased and his breathing returned back to normal, if not a little ragged. He scrubbed a hand across his face and shakily tried to get to his feet.

"What the hell…….." he muttered into the darkness.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

The tent flap opened and McKay reacted sluggishly to the sounds of movement.

"Doctor McKay?"

"What?" McKay rubbed at his eyes and tried to sit. He still felt off but he felt better for sleeping, "How long was I asleep?"

"A little longer than we intended," Lorne said looking slightly guilty, "The water's risen further. We've got to get him out of there."

"What? How long?"

"Seven hours," he said with a sigh, "We thought you could do with it and we've been busy trying to remove the water from the cave."

"Are you serious? Seven hours?"

"Yeah."

"I don't even sleep that long on Atlantis," he scrambled out of the tent and into the screaming wind and rain,

"You realise moving him could be a very bad idea?"

"We have no other choice. Sheppard's going to freeze to death if he stays where he is. Doctor Keller was concerned about his temperature and-"

They entered the cave and McKay stopped at the threshold.

"He's going to drown!"

It was much deeper than it had been before and Sheppard was sitting but his mouth was nearly submerged. Ronon was already starting to move him away from the console,

"What if the device stops working?"

"Doctor, I'm sure this cave has filled like this before. It's probably not going to be effected."

McKay stepped down into the cave and found the water up and over his knees. It was freezing and covered in floating bits of debris. Keller had placed all of her medical equipment on top of the device and they were just starting to tug Sheppard towards the door.

"Is he okay?" McKay called out.

"Seems to be so far," Keller said, "Maybe he-"

They had only moved a metre away from the device when Keller's face suddenly paled and the heart monitor she had attached to Sheppard had started beeping erratically.

"Crap!"

"What's happening?" McKay called out as he sloshed through the water.

"His heart just stopped!" Keller called out feeling Sheppard's neck for a pulse.

"Move him back!" McKay shouted, "Back!"

"I need to get him on a flat surface to start compressions," Keller argued.

"Move him back to the device!"

They all struggled, positioning Sheppard to his original spot, holding him above the water while they all waited.

Keller watched the heart monitor nervously and the flat line suddenly blipped, "We have rhythm," she said, "I don't know what just happened."

McKay looked around the cave and his eyes were drawn to something on the ceiling. "There are sensors in the ceiling," he said, "I don't think he can be moved outside of them."

"What?" Ronon said, "He's stuck here?"

"We could try cutting out the-"

"No…" McKay said, "No…he has to leave himself and once you've removed that device who knows what could happen. You might not be able to get his heart started again…….. You could kill him," he rushed over to the connection to the device and started to press the nodes onto his forehead.

"What are you doing now?" Teyla asked holding Sheppard up in the water with the others.

"I'm going to check he's still with us."

Nobody argued this time.

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"Sheppard!"

He found Sheppard lying on the floor, sprawled awkwardly and just waking, breathing in deep stuttering breaths.

"McKay went to touch him and remembered that that wouldn't do anything.

"Are you okay?"

Sheppard looked up at him with wide eyes and nodded, "I think so," he breathed in again, deep and cleansing, "It felt like my…….my heart just stopped."

McKay felt sick. Would this nightmare ever end?

"I'm okay….I think," Sheppard said pushing himself into a sitting position, "Must be exhausted."

"They tried to remove you from the device. I told them not to but-"

A dark look passed over Sheppard's face and he held his hand out, "Just stop it!"

"What?"

"Stop talking about…..devices and……..I'm just exhausted."

"Colonel-"

"The minute I start to believe you is the moment I know I've really lost it so just……." He looked tired and broken, "And it's _Major_."

"I'll be right back," McKay said intending to inform the others that he was still with them, albeit a little grouchy.

Only this time he couldn't seem to disconnect. No matter how many times he thought about it, willed it to happen, he remained where he was, on his knees and listening to Sheppard's breathing.

"What?" Sheppard gave him an irritated look.

"I should be gone," McKay said pacing back and forth.

"Yes you should."

"I can't seem to….."

He tried again; concentrating for all he was worth until-

"Oh no…I'm stuck," he touched Sheppard and his hand sailed straight through him, "And I'm still see-through!"

"I think you're maybe a little nuts," Sheppard said dryly.

McKay dropped down to the floor, "I've been reduced to a…to a ghost! I'm Casper!"

"Told you, you didn't exist."

"This is serious."

"Really?" Sheppard asked stretching his feet out and cradling his side.

"And I'm the only one that knows things!" McKay said with despair.

Sheppard was ignoring him, prodding at the bruises on his face.

"Doctor Keller might try to pull me out……..she will, I know it and then what? Oh God, at least Carson would have listened to me."

Sheppard dropped his head back against the wall, "Carson."

"Yes…" McKay felt the lump in his throat grow.

"I liked him."

"Me too."

"But he wasn't real so….he's not really dead."

McKay stared at him with slack jawed horror, "Yes he is."

He heard his voice and it didn't sound like his own. It was wavering slightly in that way it did when he was upset.

Sheppard just stared at him.

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"He's been in there too long," Keller said shivering from the water, "And his body temperature, even his brain activity has lowered significantly."

"Maybe he's stuck too?" Ronon suggested.

"I don't know…..maybe."

"Doc I suggest we get out of this water. We can take turns at holding Sheppard and McKay out of the water but there's no sense in everyone freezing."

"Thanks you Major, but I need to stay," Keller said, teeth chattering.

"And I'm not moving," Ronon said.

"Neither am I," Teyla said readjusting her grip on Sheppard's arm.

"Me either," Lorne said with a smile.

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McKay had been sat with his eyes closed, trying to get back to his body when he heard Sheppard moving around. He opened his eyes, the new light of day was beginning to creep into the cell and he'd had no idea how long he had been sat there. He thought it was some consolation that he couldn't feel his butt.

"What are you doing?"

Sheppard was marking the wall with his blood, "Twenty five days," he said.

"Yes but why…"

Sheppard twisted towards him; pale and sweating in the daylight, "Because it's important. Got to stay focused," he said with grimace and stood up to pace, "Have to be ready." He coughed into his fist violently, "Are you cold?" Sheppard smiled and quirked an eyebrow, "Of course you're not. You're.."

"Yes I'm a ghost! Wooooo," McKay said.

"You're certainly grouchy today," Sheppard muttered.

He walked over to the window and gripped the bars tightly.

"I'm trapped here and my body could be drowning. Of course I'm in a bad mood. Why aren't you?"

"Got to stay positive."

The door clicked open all of a sudden and Sheppard was stepping forward in front of McKay. It was odd, how even his instincts to protect were preserved for something he didn't even consider real.

Sheppard was clenching his hands together, pushing his shoulders back and standing tall.

The Taliban soldier walked in and scraped the door shut, "Are you going to co-operate today?" he asked, this ones English was better.

"I wouldn't bet on it," Sheppard said darkly.

"Why did you say that? You're so stubborn."

"_Casper_, quiet."

McKay moved to stand and started to wish himself away again, back to the cave. If Sheppard was going to take round two or three then he wasn't sure he could watch again. Once had been plenty.

Sheppard was struck in the chest hard and he staggered back, barely able to find purchase on the walls as he slipped to his knees. He didn't stay down for long, pushing himself back to his feet and jutting his chin out defiantly.

"Will you tell us what we want to know?"

Sheppard shook his head, almost tensing in preparation for another blow.

"No?"

Sheppard stared down at the floor.

"We can stop your food. Stop your water. Seal the windows so you have no light….soon enough-"

"I'm not going-"

Sheppard's head rocked back and he slipped to the ground in a rain of blood and sweat. McKay stood off to the side willing Sheppard to get back to his feet. The man in question remained perfectly still for a few minutes and then looked up, head lolling, eyes ready to close.

"-to talk," he finished weakly head dropping again.

"You should try and escape!" McKay suggested.

Sheppard looked to him, "You're not helping."

"Did I mention our bodies are drowning?"

The Soldier laughed and shook his head, "Stupid American, your friend……he was still alive when we found him. He wouldn't talk either."

McKay saw the change in Sheppard's stance and he got that crazy look he always did when he was angry or about to do something monumentally stupid.

"You're lying," Sheppard said, voice slurred, "He was dead when I left him….."

McKay pushed himself against the wall. He hated being useless. He needed something to fix.

"No Major," the soldier said, "He wasn't."

He tossed some dog tags onto the cell floor and turned to leave, knocking on the door to be let back out.

McKay read the name at the same time Sheppard did.

Sheppard suddenly straightened up and was at his feet before McKay had realised the stupid thing he was about to do. Sheppard pushed off from the wall and grabbed the solder by the back of his head, slamming him into the door. The soldier screamed out as blood spilled from his nose.

"That is disgusting," McKay noted, think that was the end of Sheppard's anger.

But Sheppard was shouting and kicking at the man, reaching for his knife and holding it across his throat before he could react.

"You finished him off?" Sheppard asked in a rough voice and McKay knew he was talking about the friend who he had left behind.

The Taliban's eyes were wide and the door from the other side was being unbolted, "Yes."

"You're sure?"

And maybe Sheppard wanted confirmation because if he did escape he didn't want to leave another man behind.

Sheppard looked over to McKay, seemingly remembering he was there, and turned back to the Soldier.

"You're not real," Sheppard repeated over and over.

McKay didn't know if it was his benefit or Sheppard was trying to atone for what he was about to do.

"_Not_ real."

The door opened and he slid the knife across the man's throat. He remember why Sheppard scared him sometimes.

McKay noticed that Sheppard swallowed convulsively as if he were trying not to be sick. He dropped the body to the ground, took a moment to look at McKay and then he was trying to attack the other soldiers. McKay stood to the side. There was a time when him being invisible wouldn't have mattered and he would have stayed prone regardless. Sheppard was being kicked down for his efforts and then everything stopped as an explosion rocked the cell.

Sheppard was kicked a few more times but then the others were running off, guns up and shouting. The door was slammed shut, rammed into Sheppard's shoulder where he lay.

He moved over to where Sheppard was lying and found his eyes wandering to the body beside him leaking blood all over the concrete. Sheppard wasn't a man to get on the wrong side of. Of all the emotions, Sheppard had the best handle on angry. He used it to drive himself on. He was reminded of the sixty Genii soldiers, Kolya and the wraith who he'd allowed to feed on…..he paused, stopping his train of thought with a shake of his head.

No, this wasn't the time to think about that and anyway it had been for him. For Jeannie and her family.

"Sheppard!" he said cursing his inability to connect with Sheppard physically, "Wake up!"

Sheppard was groaning.

"Sheppard!"

There were the sounds of staccato gunfire in the distance, people shouting and screaming. McKay realised that he could smell the smoke and found it odd. He'd had no sensation on connecting with the device. He'd never been able to smell or feel before and-

"M'up," Sheppard said slowly pushing himself up to his feet.

Even as he was staggering to move and re-orient himself he was searching the Taliban's body for weapons and not even flinching at the blood. He found the knife….sticky and red which he wiped on his pants, a 9.mil weapon and some extra ammo.

Sheppard was pacing, checking the magazine and counting bullets, hunched over slightly and cursing under his breath.

"Maybe…..they were lying about Holl-"

"Don't say it!" Sheppard snapped, wiping his bloodied nose on his filthy uniform. His tanned army issue uniform.

McKay was just thinking how things couldn't get much when there was another explosion from outside and the door to the cell blew inwards. The door went straight through McKay, but he cowered all the same, and it narrowly missed Sheppard as it struck the opposite side of the cell and sprayed concrete everywhere.

Sheppard hardly reacted, patted down the body for anything else of use, picked up the dog tags and then pushed himself out of the cell and into the daylight for the first time in three weeks. As Sheppard was blinking into the sunlight and waiting for his eyes to adjust, McKay noticed that the sun stung his eyes as well.

"What now?" McKay asked twitching nervously.

Sheppard ignored him and took off at a steady jog, bent slightly, gun raised ahead of him. One of the Soldiers from the cell saw him, tried to get off a shot, but Sheppard was twisting around and slamming the butt of his weapon into his face.

"Give me your gun!" Sheppard shouted and prised the weapon out of the Soldiers hands.

Then he grabbed the guy's radio and smashed it.

He could have fired at the soldier on the ground, but then he surprised McKay for the second time in so many minutes. He left him and continued on.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

There was going to be an air strike. It was all Sheppard could think about. It had happened before….when he thought he'd escaped. Maybe it wouldn't happen again. Maybe he was still sitting in that cell and hallucinating again.

His delusion was following him out into the field. He'd have expected his freedom to have some benefits. As he was keeping low and pressing himself up against the sides of buildings, McKay was strolling along beside him.

"Would you get _down_!" Sheppard called out instinctively.

He hadn't known where that had come from, only that it felt natural.

"I'm invulnerable!" McKay called out as bullets rained passed him.

Sheppard remembered McKay saying that once before. He shook his head and clamped his eyes shut for a second. McKay wasn't real. McKay wasn't real. McKay wasn't real. McKay wasn't –

Something splintered next to his head and he realised that someone was shooting at him now. He ducked behind a pile of crates and fired over the top at the Taliban soldiers advancing on him.

"Why haven't we woken up yet?" McKay was blathering, "We got out of the cell…well you did I mean, so we should be waking up by now….."

"Would you shut up!" Sheppard snapped, "I can't think." And then. "Why are you still following me?"

"Maybe you can't leave here. Maybe I'm just stuck here and I'm going to have to haunt you for the rest of my-"

"Rodney, please. Stow it!"

Sheppard sighed, fired off a few shots and then made a run for it across the medina.

"Where are you going?" he heard the Scientist call out behind him but he ignored him.

For some reason he felt like he knew this place. He knew where to run to evade the soldiers, he knew that the structure over the dusty track was a school and that if he ducked right he would be safe behind a large building. Everyone running around, shouting and crying, were civilians. _All_ of them. There only seemed to be a handful of Taliban soldiers. This wasn't a base of operations. No attacks were being planned from here. It was just a heavily populated settlement.

He moved quickly and stealthily. He knew all of this because he'd been _here_ before; _only_….he had been unconscious when he was dragged through here. He'd woken up in the cell. How could have known this place if he had never even seen it?

"Where are you going?"

"I'm trying to find a way out of here. What did you think I was doing? Sight-seeing Rodney."

"Well…..I just hope you're not taking a short cut because we all know how they work out."

"Oh come on, that happened once-"

"Five times actually. One of those times was on Atlantis. Remember the storage closet you thought was a room?"

"So I got turned around."

More screams and gunfire.

"The Genii home world?"

"We found that nuclear facility didn't we?" Sheppard smiled at the memory but just as quickly dispelled it, "That…..that didn't happen."

But it felt so real. It felt as if it had happened.

"You're distracting me!" he snapped and McKay clamped his mouth shut.

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"You're distracting me!" Sheppard had snapped at him and then took off again without checking that he was following. It was rude really. He'd spent all of that time looking after him and making sure he held onto his sanity and he was being really quite ungrateful.

There was another explosion; it was confusing and loud and McKay was beginning to get tired chasing after Sheppard as he ran on ahead. _Tired_. That was odd. He had never really felt that before, other than when he left the game.

Through the bullets; some civilians were now firing weapons and there were other soldiers running around as well, McKay spied the child standing in the centre, crying, at the same exact moment that Sheppard did.

"Oh no no," McKay shouted, "You need to get out of here so we can wake up and drown!"

Sheppard gave him an aggrieved look but still took off anyway, scooping the child up in his arms and carrying her to safety.

"You're okay," Sheppard was saying, holding the kid tightly as she wailed away.

Then there was an old lady with few teeth screaming at him and snatching her child out of his arms. She spoke to him loudly in her foreign tongue.

"Well _she_ was grateful!"

"I'm the enemy," Sheppard said.

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Somebody grabbed Sheppard by his arm and hauled him into an alleyway. Sheppard instinctively slammed whoever it was against the wall and pressed his gun into their neck.

"American?" they asked him as McKay came up behind him.

Sheppard let go slowly and looked the guy up and down. Captain Harridge; a man he had only ever dreamed of rescuing him. He'd never met the man before that day, but he knew so much about him.

"Lt. Colonel-" he stopped and McKay made a 'ha!' noise, "_Major_ Sheppard. United States Air Force."

"You're a little far from home aren't you Major?" the guy said reloading his weapon in quick practiced moves, "I'm Captain-"

"Harrdige?"

"Uh yeah…..have we met?"

"Never!" Sheppard said turning to look at McKay.

"Where did you come from Sir?" Harridge asked, taking in his appearance.

Sheppard gave him a sideways glance and yes, _Sir_, because he out-ranked this guy.

"I was captured….managed to escape." Then he licked his lips and followed up with, "You have three kids."

Harridge looked up from his map, "Yeah……how do you-"

"Your wife is pregnant with her fourth."

Harridge looked disturbed, "Now…how in the hell do you know that? I haven't told anyone about the baby yet…"

Sheppard walked away from the soldier and into the coolness of the alleyway. What the hell? How _did_ he know all of that? He pushed himself against the wall, "How did I know that?"

Maybe he had heard about it before, back at the base. One of those subconscious things that you don't pick up at the time. Maybe? Either that or he was psychic. Or worse, McKay was right.

"Who's your friend?"

Sheppard turned to the soldier, "What?"

Harridge pointed directly at McKay.

"You …_see_ him?"

"Yeah….." Harridge said with a shit eating grin.

McKay suddenly realised what had been said and started to pat himself down. And then he stalked over to Sheppard and hit him in the arm.

"Ow!"

And then a beat.

"Rodney?"

"What….?" McKay said in a panicky high pitched voice, "You can see me? And…..I can touch you and-oh my god, I've been solid for how long? I just walked through that square at a leisurely stroll! I could have been killed!"

A chunk of wood fractured by his face and he crouched down, crying out as a piece stung his cheek. When he looked up he had a cut on his face.

"I'm bleeding. Ow!"

"Probably shouldn't stand in the line of fire like that, "Harridge said.

"This is _all_ your fault!" McKay shouted, pressing himself against the wall next to Sheppard.

"I don't……I don't understand," Sheppard said shaking his head, "I just don't get it. _Rodney_!" and he knew he'd said that name with disgust.

"Yes Rodney……do you believe that I'm real now?"

"No," he said pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, "No."

"Ah, yes….I was right and you were wrong. That never gets old."

Sheppard had a glazed look in his eyes and a smile curled his lips, "I'm not crazy. You're…..it was real?"

Harridge was looking between the two of them.

"Sorry to interrupt but-"

They ignored him.

"Yes……."

"And I…..I _did_ touch that stupid device."

"Yes. I told you to think it on not activate it."

"You bring that up now?"

"Well it's important. The others are blaming me."

"You're real."

"Yes."

"Atlantis and-"

Sheppard couldn't believe it. The relief was almost overwhelming. He wasn't really here.

Harridge interrupted their special moment.

"My unit is doing a scout of the city, we've got a Med Evac unit on route so they can pick you up and take you back to base," Harridge was saying.

Sheppard continued to stare at the ground and he vaguely heard McKay telling him to snap out of it.

"Sorry," he said to Harridge, "Shock."

"Like I said Med Evac will get you out of here."

"Uh…" Sheppard stepped forwards, "And there's going to be an air strike right?"

Harridge looked confused, "Not to my knowledge."

Sheppard and McKay shared a look, "They didn't know either."

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McKay shifted the weight of the very solid gun from one hand to another as he followed Sheppard and Harridge through the streets. He wasn't cut out for this. Really. The whole life in peril, bullets, screaming, shouting….usually he deferred this type of thing to Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla. He was the back-up. The very last resort, every member of his team is dead, type of back-up.

"We need to get to that Evac unit," Sheppard said as he weaved between buildings, "That has to be the way out."

McKay looked over his shoulder nervously again and reacted when Harridge fired on someone up ahead. Sheppard ignored the gunfire behind him.

"Do you have a death wish Colonel?"

"You said I couldn't die…not really."

"Well that was before when I was invincible. Now I'm not, I think we should be careful."

"So you just told me to get myself killed earlier because?" Sheppard waited and didn't get an answer.

McKay didn't have one. He felt vulnerable and he wanted to finish this game alive.

"I can't believe I'm stuck here," McKay noted grimly, "And my cheek stings."

Sheppard turned and fired on two people that rounded the corner, "Your cheek stings? Have you seen the state of me? Not real huh?" he whacked McKay on the arm, "Hurts doesn't it?"

"I didn't know," McKay said retracting his arm.

"So where is this chopper?" Sheppard called out to Harridge.

Harridge looked the Colonel up and down, "You not staying to fight? Thought you just wanted to send _him_ home."

"Him?" McKay repeated.

"We're hoping to have this place secured by nightfall. Could be fun."

McKay saw Sheppard cringe. He knew that he hated that kind of attitude in his Soldiers. If he was on Atlantis he would never have stood for it.

"This is a civilian settlement," Sheppard informed the soldier.

"There are still Taliban here……"

Sheppard looked angry, "The chopper Captain?"

"It'll be to the East side….." he pulled out his map and showed Sheppard, "Right there. ETA two zero minutes."

"Right," Sheppard patted the Captain on the back, "We'll make sure you get to your unit and then we'll make a break for it."

"What are you doing?" McKay asked, grabbing at Sheppard's arm, "He's not real. It doesn't matter if he's collateral damage."

Sheppard just shook his head, "This game's far too real. Trust me."

"Still…..there's a valuable brain _freezing_ back on that planet."

"Captain! You should get your men out of here."

"We have our orders Sir. Search and secure."

"You're going to die if you stay here," Sheppard said pushing the Captain aside, "Do you have a radio?"

Harridge nodded and handed it over, "What are you doing?"

"Saving your life Captain….which frequency?"

Harridge made the necessary adjustments and handed the radio back.

Sheppard grabbed McKay and pulled him out of the way; McKay just seemed to find the worst places to stand.

"This is Colonel…..dammit! This is _Major_ John Sheppard, USAF; put me on to whoever's in charge."

There was a burst of static from the radio and then someone with a belting voice answered, "_This is a secure line Major. Continue to maintain radio silence and keep this channel open."_

"What are you doing?" McKay looked around. It would just his luck if he got shot because of Sheppard.

"Sir? I need you to recall all units. We have an incoming air strike."

"_Who told you that?"_

"It's complicated."

"_I'm afraid I can't do that__ on the basis of 'it's complicated' Major. Put me onto Harridge."_

"Sir, listen you-"

"_No you listen to me son. You're not in charge here. I am. Put me on__ to Captain Harridge."_

Sheppard handed the radio over to Harridge and then there were hushed voices as he turned his back. McKay thought he caught some of it. Something about Sheppard being in shock and not to be entirely trusted as he had been captured, potentially tortured. Sheppard just paced angrily; gun hand trembling. He was beginning to look a little peaky; his face was pale and covered in sweat and only now in the daylight had McKay noticed all of the blood and bruises.

Harridge was still talking on the radio when Sheppard finally grabbed McKay, "Come on, let's get out here. We're going to miss that Med Evac."

"I thought you wanted to try and save him?"

"Didn't save him the first time round," Sheppard said darkly.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

"Keep moving and stay down!" Sheppard shouted as he covered their six, "Haven't you learnt anything over the last hundred or so missions!"

And they _were_ on a mission again. This felt right. This felt familiar and Sheppard couldn't even express how relieved he was to be here with someone this time. Even if it was McKay.

Dirt and debris flew over their heads and Sheppard was up on his feet, pushing McKay on as he had on many occasion.

"We're going to die!"

"We're not going to die," Sheppard said as he ran, turning to fire over his shoulder at a soldier who had appeared out of nowhere.

He was exhausted; bones weary and aching but they had to drive on. They had to end this. He was also freezing and that didn't make sense when the sun was blazing and his skin was burnt.

They saw the chopper land just where Harridge had said and picked up their speed.

"Come on Rodney, faster!"

"I'm going and it's five hundred and fifty two missions actually!" McKay said turning back to him.

"And look where you're going!"

"I'm running!" Mckay snapped back.

"First thing we do when we get back is go over off-world procedure again and we're getting you into the gym!"

"I work out I'll have you know, me and Ronon have been stick fighting."

"Beating the crap out of you more like it….duck!...and keep that gun aimed forwards!"

"I am, I am!"

They'd managed to clear the village and were running at full pelt over the sand, but Sheppard knew that he was lagging behind. His injuries, not real he reminded himself, were slowing him down. He was finding it difficult to breathe and-

Gun fire behind him had him falling to his knees. McKay stopped ahead.

"Sheppard!"

"I'm fine! Keep going!"

"I can't leave you!"

"I told _you_ I'm coming," Sheppard said pushing himself up, "The chopper should be over that ridge, I'll catch up."

He saw the hesitation in Mckay's eyes but he turned and started to run; slipping in the sand as he went.

Sheppard panted hard as he managed to get up and found the world spinning. He felt weird. He pushed his hand into his back where it ached and burned and started to stagger forwards, the world slanting as he went.

"Damn!" he muttered, tongue feeling thick and heavy in his mouth. And was he slurring?

McKay was looking over his shoulder again and he waved him forwards.

He switched the grip on his gun when his arm felt numb and tingly and noticed that the weapon was slick with…..blood?

Before he knew what was happening he was on his knees again, panting for breath and straining to move. He looked down at his uniform and saw that it was wet and red.

"McKay?" he automatically reached up to his earpiece and then remembered that he wasn't off-world, he didn't have his standard gear and that he'd been shot in the back.

"Dammit!" he said, wishing he had his team there.

Something slammed into the side of his head and he pitched over, rolling in time to catch the barrel of a gun in his forehead.

The Taliban soldier above him looked familiar; the one he had left earlier to live.

"Get up!" he was saying, cocking the weapon again.

Sheppard was struggling to stay focused and his heart was fluttering wildly in his chest, "There's……going to be…" he coughed hard and that familiar choking sensation from the cell was back again. Dark blobs speckled his vision.

"Get up!" the soldier shouted again.

Sheppard tried to push down on his hand but it was useless and the wetness on his back was growing.

"There's going to be…an air strike," Sheppard said, "You need to ge-"

"_Stop_ talking!"

The soldier was patting him over, checking his pockets and throwing away his gun. He made a tutting sound when he found all of the blood. He wiped his hands on his pants and Sheppard felt his vision going in and out of focus.

"Do you have family?" Sheppard asked as he was pulled upright; the gun was pushed into the back of his head.

It was difficult to stay awake and he needed to cough and clear his throat.

"Do you?"

There was no answer and Sheppard waited to see his brains splatter all over the sand.

He licked his lips, "You…need to get….your people away from the village. I don't know how….but……otherwise you're going to die."

"You want our village….another stronghold for your forces."

Sheppard coughed again and planted his hand down onto the sand for support, "Maybe," he answered honestly, "But……the air strike."

"Why didn't you kill me?"

Sheppard didn't know. Maybe he had too much blood on his hands already. Maybe he just didn't want to turn into the man he already was. The John Sheppard on Atlantis who killed sixty soldiers., left innocents to die before ordering his own strike and forced a man to give himself up to be wraith food. Before Atlantis he had been here and he had been very different.

"I'm a traitor," he said dropping his head and using the only realistic explanation there was.

"You're a liar!"

Sheppard felt fuzzy and disconnected. The sand, the sky; they were blurring together.

"You hear me?" The soldier shouted.

"I'd get kicked out of the military!" Sheppard said, knowing how close he had come to that once before "There's no reason for me….to tell you……but I have."

The waistband of his pants were getting heavy, drenched with blood and he could almost smell it. Sickly and coppery.

"My wife, my son," the soldier said.

"Yeah……."

"I should kill you….."

Sheppard coughed again, that suffocating feeling back, "I'm telling the truth."

Sheppard squeezed his eyes shut. There was silence; the sand picking up on the wind and then the gun clicking back onto safety.

When he turned around the soldier had gone.

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McKay had seen Sheppard struggle up the ridge and then promptly drop to the ground like a rag doll. In that instant, before Sheppard swore in anger when he tried to move him, he had thought he was dead.

The two pilots helped him pull Sheppard into the chopper and lay him down on the floor, already attaching monitors and applying field dressings to his wound. There was so much blood and Sheppard's face was white, his shock of hair was a stark contrast.

"Mike? Sheppard said as the pilot pushed an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Is he okay?" McKay asked and had to remind himself that this would end soon. They were on the chopper; this had to be it.

"How do you know my name?" the pilot asked.

Sheppard didn't answer but McKay knew that Sheppard had been rescued by the same man before.

"He's losing a lot of blood and he's tachycardic."

"There could be spinal damage, try to minimise his movement."

"Mike, this is bad…..shit……."

Mike handed McKay some gauze, "Apply this………press hard."

"We need to get him back now! Call it in – we'll have to come back for the others!"

They were making flight preparations, starting the rotors and Mckay sat forwards, pushing on his wound to stem the bleeding, while Sheppard gripped his arm tightly.

"This will be over in a minute," McKay promised.

Sheppard met his eyes and nodded, the inside of the mask steaming with every breath.

"Hurts."

"I know…just hold on."

"Not real though," Sheppard managed, "Going to wake up and drown in a minute…..huh?"

"That's right……it is cold isn't it?"

The Chopper took off, leaving the ground in a blur and over the rotors McKay could hear the sound of a blaring alarm below. It sounded like an air raid siren.

Sheppard was saying something in the background

"Nearly there!"

McKay crawled to the edge of the chopped and looked down; people were running, screaming out of the village. They were becoming smaller and more ant-like the higher they crept.

"They're leaving," he said looking to Sheppard.

"Can't breathe," Sheppard said choking as he struggled for air.

"Sheppard?"

"Can't breathe……."

And then McKay was choking too. It felt like he was being suffocated and yet when he touched his throat there was nothing there. His vision swam as he struggled and finally-

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"How much longer can we give them?" Keller shouted as she struggled to stay upright.

"Not much longer," Lorne said tipping his head back to keep the water out of his mouth.

Then it happened.

First McKay was opening his eyes and spitting out the water in his mouth and then Sheppard was making thrashing movements.

"It's…over!" McKay shouted as he kicked his legs.

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Epilogue

"Rodney! Rodney….Rod….ney! Hey, you awake? Rodney?"

Mckay opened his eyes and rolled onto his side to find Sheppard also on his side in the opposite bed. His voice sounded hoarse and thick with cold.

"What?"

"You sleeping?"

"Yes I always sleep with my eyes closed and talk."

Sheppard shifted under the low light of the infirmary and sniffed loudly, "Is this real?"

"For the millionth time Colonel, _yes_ this is real. Do you have to ask me every few minutes?"

Sheppard blew his nose as McKay fought his own urge to cough.

"I have?"

"Yes you have."

"Oh."

"Your memory's been a bit…..screwy since we got back."

"What happened?"

McKay sighed, "You asked that before too."

"I did?"

"We woke up and promptly drowned."

"I drowned?"

Sheppard coughed into fist and grimaced.

"Yes……we had to perform CPR. You spewed water all over my shoes."

"Sorry."

An easy silence settled between them until Sheppard broke it again.

"Rodney?...Rodney?"

"What?"

"So…… this is definitely real?"

"I can always come over there and smother you with a pillow Colonel!"

"Nah…" sniff, "I believe you."

"Oh you do now."

"Couldn't have imagined you. Only one Rodney Mckay."

"Thank you and…good night," he stressed pulling the covers over his head and rolling onto his other side.

"What happened?"

"Go to sleep Sheppard!

"I said…" Another cough and sniffle, "What happened?"

"I told you!"

"In the game."

"We made it to the chopper……you'd managed to get shot by the way….."

"I did?"

There were rustling sheets and movement.

"You're fine. It wasn't real."

"Oh right…..and?"

"And you got the imaginary people out of the imaginary village before the imaginary air strike."

"I did?"

"Yeah. Somebody raised the imaginary alarm. Now, sleep! You sound awful."

He should have known Sheppard wouldn't listen.

"I didn't before…"

"What?"

"In real life….they all died. Always bothered me."

Mckay lay in silence for a moment before saying, "Second chances and all that."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Colonel, I have lots of catching up to do tomorrow; minions to shout at, system diagnostics to run, colds to cultivate…so please……. shut up and get some sleep."

"Okay…..and this is real right?"

McKay considered throwing his pillow at him, "This is real and so are the germs you're spreading my way."

"Rodney?"

"I'm sleeping."

"Rodney?"

"Sheppard…you better be about to die. What is it?"

"Thanks."

"Oh….." and then he sneezed.

The End


End file.
